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Obituaries
Carolyn Lahay

BONNE TERRE -- Carolyn J. Lahay, 85, of Bonne Terre, passed away January 1, 2018, at Presbyterian Manor. She was born June 2, 1932, in Bonne Terre, to the late Ignatious and Nettie (Sewall) Aubuchon. She was also preceded in death by her husband, John “Lefty” Lahay, Jr. Carolyn was a member of the St. Joseph Catholic Church of Bonne Terre. She loved music and playing the organ, quilting and doll collecting.

Carolyn is survived by two sons, Ronald Lahay and wife Roxy of Ridgedale, MO, and Michael Lahay and wife Victoria of Desloge; grandchildren, Michelle (Dennis) Nelson of Nixa, MO, Kayla (Jason) Johnson of Florida, Braden Lahay of Farmington, Byron Lahay of Farmington, Saydee of Desloge; brother, Donald (Sally) Aubuchon of Tennessee; sister, Jeane (Pete) Hoelzel of DeSoto. Several nieces and nephews also survive.

Visitation will be Thursday, January 4, 2018, from 5 p.m. until 8 p.m. at the C. Z. Boyer & Son Funeral Home in Desloge. Service will be Friday at 10 a.m. at the St. Joseph Catholic Church in Bonne Terre with Rev. Stephen Bauer officiating. Burial will follow at St. Joseph Cemetery. View obituary and share condolences online at www.czboyer.com.


Obituaries
Nathalie 'Winebarger' Obenhauer

BONNE TERRE – Mrs. Nathalie Sue ‘Winebarger’ Obenauer, 61, passed away January 1, 2018, at her residence, surrounded by her loving family. Nathalie was born August 27, 1956, in Bonne Terre, and was the daughter of Lavern Eleanor ‘Beel’ Winebarger and the late Herman Daniel “Bud” Winebarger, Sr. Also preceding in death was Nathalie’s husband, Ira James “Jim” Obenauer (2014).

Nathalie was a LPN and a member of the Red Hat Ladies.

Survivors include her mother, Lavern Winebarger, of Bonne Terre; A daughter, Shelly (Steve) Peterson, of Bonne Terre; Two sons, Ira “Jim” (Mary Kay) Obenauer, of Farmington, and Mike (Eve) Obenauer, of Fredericktown; Two sisters, Sharon Clark, of Farmington, and Karen (Tom) Grezeszak, of Gardner, Kansas; Three brothers, Danny (Carol) Winebarger; Dennis Winebarger, and Steve (Hazel) Winebarger, all of Womack; Also surviving are fourteen grandchildren, one great-grandchild on the way, numerous nieces and nephews.

Visitation Thursday, 5-8 p.m. at Taylor Funeral Service, Inc., Farmington. Visitation resumes Friday, 6:30 a.m. and funeral Friday, 11 a.m., January 5, 2018, at TAYLOR Funeral Service CHAPEL, with Rev. Randy Murphy officiating. Interment follows at Silver Point Cemetery, Womack, Missouri. Memorials maybe made to Silver Point Cemetery, Maintenance Fund. Photo obituary and guestbook online at: www.taylorfuneral.com.


Advice
Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have been together 10 years. They met and fell in love young. They are only 25 and have two beautiful children.

I remarried three years ago, and my son's wife was instantly attracted to my 54-year-old husband. It's always uncomfortable for the two of us when they come to visit. She stares at him throughout the entire visit, tries to either sit right next to him or directly across from him, and expects a hug every time they arrive and leave. (We finally put a stop to it because she would wait to hug him last and then hold him extra long.)

My husband confided that he's flattered a 25-year-old gives him that much attention. Three years of this can be very wearing. Anything I can do and NOT lose my son? -- AWKWARD IN THE EAST

DEAR AWKWARD: Tell your son that it appears his wife has a crush on your husband, and that while he is flattered that someone so young would find him attractive, her behavior makes both of you uncomfortable. Then let him explain to her that it is time to cool her engines.

DEAR ABBY: I have been best friends with a woman for 30 years, but lately our relationship has become strained. If I do something that irritates her, she gives me the cold shoulder and won't return my phone calls. When she eventually calls back, she's distant and cold.

I was out of the country for an extended period, and when I returned, she was upset with me for not phoning her. Now she's upset with me because my husband and I missed an important milestone because of a family emergency.

I am tired of her passive-aggressive behavior, and I have come to realize that our lives have taken us in different directions. Mine is family-oriented. Hers is not because she has no children. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: No, your perception is accurate. Your "bestie" appears to be unusually high maintenance. Rather than allow her to make you feel guilty, realize that not all friendships last forever, and this one may have run its course. Talk to her and express your feelings about this, but be prepared for the fact that it will probably end your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 60s. We have been married for some time and are very open-minded. She keeps insisting that she does not remember her first sexual experience. I would be curious to understand why in the world, unless someone was inebriated, the person would not recall this huge milestone. -- BEWILDERED IN THE WEST

DEAR BEWILDERED: Not every question needs an answer. If your wife's first experience was unpleasant or traumatic, she may have repressed the memory. Or she may simply prefer not to discuss it with you. My intuition tells me that you will have nothing to gain by continuing to push her. If you do, it not only won't bring you closer; it may do the opposite.

DEAR ABBY: I am president and co-founder of the Wildlife Center of Virginia, one of the leading teaching and research hospitals for wildlife medicine in the world. We have treated more than 70,000 wild patients since our organization was established 35 years ago. Like the reader ("An Apple a Day," Aug. 11) who is under the impression that throwing an apple core out the car window is doing something positive for the Earth, many individuals make "little" decisions without considering the unintended consequences.

The example of the apple core has been at the heart of our education program for more than three decades. Before throwing that apple core out the window believing that some small animal will come finish what's left, people should consider what will happen if the animal coming to eat their scraps happens to be on the other side of the road.

Throwing out that apple core will lure that creature into harm's way. Countless opossums, raccoons, skunks and other small mammals are killed every day because of human food waste on the shoulder of the road. And it doesn't stop there. Predators like owls also suffer. They hunt along the side of the road, not because they eat apple cores, but because they eat the mice, voles and other small animals who are attracted to feed on that apple core. Then, when the opossum, raccoon or owl is killed by a car, scavengers are attracted to the pavement, where their lives, too, are at risk.

If readers want to help the Earth, they should take their waste home and dispose of it or recycle it properly. The small act of throwing an apple core out of a car window can cost the lives of the very creatures they claim to want to help. -- EDWARD CLARK, WAYNESBORO, VA.

DEAR MR. CLARK: When that letter appeared, I received a flurry of mail about it. Many readers touched on some of the points you have expressed. Thank you for writing so eloquently to educate my readers -- and me. Lesson learned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and I'm having trouble holding down a steady job. I am a college graduate, and it's not because I don't like to work. My problem is I have a strong personality and I tend to butt heads with management. Deep down, I think I'll only be satisfied with a job if I'm the boss or own my own business. Do you have any suggestions about positions for someone who can't handle having a boss? -- MISS INDEPENDENT IN THE BRONX

DEAR MISS INDEPENDENT: No. Unless someone has rich parents or a magic lamp, most people have to work for -- or with -- others until they build enough capital to start a business. Even then, business owners must interact with clients they don't always agree with. Because you tend to butt heads with those in management positions, you would be wise to start working on becoming more patient and less dogmatic. Both qualities will help you in the future if you can develop them.

DEAR ABBY: The winter months are hard for me. They remind me that another year has gone by without my father and my younger sister.

Dad had been a smoker since his teens and died from pancreatic cancer at 39. I was 13, and my siblings were younger. In those days, we didn't know that smoking was a risk factor for pancreatic cancer.

My sister smoked from the time she was 13. She died from lung cancer at 44, leaving behind two young sons.

Neither my father nor my sister got to experience the wonderful family milestones and celebrations we have had. Their grandchildren will never know them. Each year during the holidays, I feel a sadness in my heart.

I urge every smoker to make a vow to quit and carry it through, not only for their own sake but also their family's. Stay determined to quit so you won't cause your loved ones sadness and won't miss out on their futures. With all my heart, I wish smokers the best of luck in quitting. -- MISSING DAD AND SIS IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR MISSING: I'm glad you wrote because the American Cancer Society's annual Great American Smokeout will be held on Nov. 16. It's a day when millions of smokers put down their cigarettes -- just for one day -- with the conviction that if they can go 24 hours without one, then they can do it for 48 hours, 72 hours, and stop smoking for good. The idea grew out of a 1970 event in Randolph, Massachusetts, and became a national event in 1977.

Readers, I'm not going to harangue you with death threats. We are all aware of the grim statistics associated with cancer-related deaths caused by tobacco. If you're interested in quitting, this is a perfect opportunity. Call (800) 227-2345 to be connected with counseling services in your community, provided with self-help materials offering information and strategies on quitting for good, and to receive information about medications available to help you quit. This service is free and provided 24/7. Or go online to cancer.org.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Over the past few weeks, I have been vacationing at my mother-in-law's home. The other day I was browsing on her computer and accidentally opened her browsing history. It turns out that she regularly looks at and responds to Craigslist personals.

I was shocked when I read some of the perverted requests she has responded to. The language she used would make a sailor blush. Keep in mind, my mother-in-law is a married woman.

I don't know how to react. Should I tell my wife? Keep it to myself? Make a fake Craigslist post and catch her in the act? -- KINKS IN THE FAMILY

DEAR KINKS: If you disclose this to your wife, it could damage her relationship with her mother. If she tells her mother what you found, it will create a breach in the family. If you trap the woman by creating a fake Craigslist post and she realizes she has been made a fool of, it will not -- to put it mildly -- endear you to her. Let it lie.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a predicament. My therapist is great, but sometimes I think she shares too much. Last time I went, she was running late. When I finally got into her office, she told me the previous patient was nonverbal and had painted her nails during the session. Later in the session, she confided that years ago she had been date raped.

Abby, I am in counseling because my father raped me when I was 15 (I am now 24). Her sharing has me worried because I don't want her telling others what I say or do during counseling. Further, her story of the date rape scared me. She described a situation that is not uncommon for me to be in, and it caused something almost like a flashback in me. I think what she did was insensitive, to say the least.

I have nobody else to ask, so what should I do? I'm getting counseling for free now due to my income, and it took months to get set up with a counselor. Should I report her or accept that this was a mistake and say nothing? If I need to report her, how would I go about doing that? -- CONFLICTED ABOUT IT

DEAR CONFLICTED: You should change therapists because it appears this one has more problems than you do. As to what agency you should report her breach of professional ethics to, contact the state organization that has licensed her to practice.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069


Advice
Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just told me that she is pregnant. She is a sophomore in college, and she has been on a fast track in her career. She does not want to have an abortion, but she has no money, and the father is not interested in being involved.

My husband and I want our daughter to complete her education. Otherwise, how will she be able to take care of this child? We are debating what to do. We are just now enjoying being empty nesters, but we wonder if we should take the baby and raise it until she finishes school and gets a job. Or she may put the child up for adoption. We are so torn about giving the baby away. It's all so difficult. What do you recommend? -- Baby Talk, Cincinnati

DEAR BABY TALK: This is a decision that the three of you should make together. Starting with your husband, though, talk about what you are willing and able to do and what ground rules you would like to put in place if you were to take the baby for a while. Would you expect your daughter to participate in the child-rearing? Will she live at home with you and the baby? What would you expect of her?

Next, sit down with your daughter and talk it through. Find out what she wants. If her desire is to keep the baby and she accepts your offer to help, discuss the terms. Put them in writing so that you will have to them refer to over time. Recall that taking care of a newborn is hard work. It may not last forever, but know, too, that many grandparents end up being primary caregivers for years. If you are up for the challenge, go for it. But remain clear with your daughter so that she honors her end of the agreement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, someone sent you a letter asking how they could mention to their friend that their child has bad body odor. I just wanted to mention that sometimes children can be put on medication that helps with body odor and excess sweating when normal deodorant is not enough. A consultation with a dermatologist can be helpful in determining which medication is the best. -- Concerned Reader, Colorado

DEAR CONCERNED READER: Thank you for your recommendation. It is generally wise to check with your doctor if your body begins to do something unusual. With children, especially as they approach adolescence, many hormonal changes occur, including the onset of body odor. In some instances, bathing more mindfully helps, as can deodorant. But checking with a doctor is smart to ensure that there are no medical problems and to find out if there is a simple solution outside of the normal options, like deodorant, to solve the problem.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A professional friend called me to ask my advice about working for a company I worked for a few years ago. I had a horrible experience working with management, even though I liked the job I did. It's weird -- on one hand, it could be awful, but it was good, too. My friend was asked to assume a leadership role. It could be a good opportunity for him. I don't want to dash his hopes.

My biggest concern is that when I worked with these people, they did not pay their bills. It hurt my professional reputation. I would hate for my friend to have the same thing happen to him. He is so excited. Do I dare tell him details of what happened when I worked there? -- Professional Advice, Chicago

DEAR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE: Your friend contacted you as a reference, believing that you would share your professional insights with him. Do that. Too often, people go into new opportunities without getting perspective. Find out from your friend what is being offered to him, what responsibilities he will have and what promises have been made regarding hiring. Suggest that he ask directly about the questionable debt practicies.

Then tell him your pros and cons. Be specific about what you appreciated about the job and how you benefited. Conversely, describe the areas that concerned you. Do not attempt to make a decision for your friend. Instead, paint a clear picture of the company from your perspective, and then leave him to make his own decision.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My company is taking the leadership team on a retreat soon, and I have been invited. This sounds like a wonderful opportunity. The only thing is, I have never been out of the country, and I don't have a passport. I heard that it takes a long time to get a passport. I don't want to miss out on this trip. I also don't want everybody to know that I have never been anywhere. Most of my co-workers who are on the fast track spent a semester abroad while they were in college. Quite a few of them go to the Caribbean every year. Me, I just work and go home. I work a gazillion hours, which is why I have been promoted. I worry that I'm not going to measure up. -- Going Abroad, Cincinnati

DEAR GOING ABROAD: You are likely not alone. Many people get passports when they are adults. Do not be ashamed about that. Get proactive. You can get an expedited passport -- for a premium price -- in a matter of days. You may need proof of travel, which would be a copy of your airline ticket. Then you should get your passport photos taken and choose an expediter to process your passport. Depending on how much time you have, you can also process it normally. Without extra fees, you need four to six weeks. Expedited is two to three weeks, and expedited through an agency is about eight days. For more information, visit travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/requirements/processing-times.html.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106


Obituaries
Austin Arnold Giffin

FARMINGTON – Austin Arnold Giffin, 89, Farmington, passed away with family by his side on December 27, 2017.

Austin was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in 1946 and was faithful to his dedication by helping others come to know our God, Jehovah, teaching them the truth from the Bible.

His daughters always enjoyed the way he dreamed out loud about the Biblical hope of a better world under God’s Kingdom. His family and congregation of friends will deeply miss him.

He is survived by his wife of 65 years, Irene Joan Giffin, and five devoted daughters, Gayle (Lee) Pollak, Donna (Ron) Hash, Rebecca (David) Hull, Martha (Lester) Foster and Rachel (Howard) Sansoucie. He is also survived by twelve grandchildren and six great grandchildren.

There will be a memorial service Saturday, January 6, 2018 at 2 p.m. at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses, 1818 Highway D, Farmington, MO 63640. View the online obituary and share your condolences at cozeanfuneralhome.com.


Obituaries
Johanna Tomlinson

BONNE TERRE - Johanna “JoJo” Lee Tomlinson, 74, of Bonne Terre passed away December 31, 2017 at Missouri Baptist Hospital in St. Louis. She was born on August 28, 1943 in Farmington to the late Elbert Franklin and Wilma Lee (Zolman) Pope. In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by her daughter, Dannielle Leach and a brother, Michael Pope.

Johanna was a member of First Community Christian Church in Farmington, Desloge VFW Post 2426 Ladies’ Auxiliary and VFW Riders. She was the 1986 recipient of Artillery Order of Molly Pitcher Award and a retiree from Baldor Electric Company. Johanna was very talented and creative. She also loved gardening, camping, floating and riding motorcycles.

Johanna is survived by her husband, Robert Allen Tomlinson; daughters, Michelle (Leach) McMillen and husband Pete and Amanda (Tomlinson) Lammert; seven grandchildren, Benjamin McMillen, Alexandra (McMillen) McDaniel, Austin Leach, Esteban and Sam Padilla, Breann and Kyle Lammert; six great-grandchildren; brother, Patrick Pope and wife Gail; and sister Glenda Werley and Husband Elmer; niece, Naomi (Pope) Deen and husband Daniel; nephews, James Pope and wife Abby and Arthur Pope are all left to mourn her passing.

Visitation will be held at C.Z. Boyer Funeral Home in Bonne Terre on Thursday, January 4, 2018, from 5 p.m. until 8 p.m. with a V.F.W. Ladies Auxiliary Service at 6 p.m. Funeral Services will be Friday, January 5, 2018, at C.Z. Boyer & Son Chapel at 11 a.m. with Pastor Lionel Smith officiating. View obituary and share condolences online at www.czboyer.com


Sense-and-sensitivity
Ask The Doctors

Welcome to part two of our discussion about high blood pressure. For those who missed it, a previous column examined new blood pressure guidelines released by the American Heart Association and the American College of Cardiology, in which normal is now a range below 120/80. It's a conservative definition that puts people with blood pressure in the range of 120-129/80 into the "elevated" category. This is not a diagnosis of high blood pressure, or hypertension. Rather, it's a warning sign that, without certain lifestyle changes, hypertension may well be in your future.

Now we'd like to expand on the techniques that can be helpful in getting better numbers.

-- Lose weight: Weight gain increases body mass, which means the heart has to pump harder to deliver blood throughout the body. At the same time, that increase in body mass offers greater resistance and results in elevated blood pressure. Studies show that a weight gain of even 5 pounds can cause blood pressure to rise.

-- Stop smoking: Not only do smokers face double the risk for stroke and heart attack as nonsmokers, they are also at increased risk of a range of cancers. In addition, the nicotine and other substances in cigarettes and other tobacco products make blood pressure go up.

-- Exercise regularly: Exercise strengthens the heart and makes it more efficient. Regular physical activity like brisk walks, cycling, swimming, dancing, hiking or active sports can lower your top (systolic) blood pressure number by four points. That's on par with what blood pressure medications will do. Aim for 150 minutes per week of moderate aerobic activity, or 75 minutes of vigorous activity.

-- Watch your diet: When it comes to food, the DASH diet (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) is a good guide. Not only does it naturally limit salt intake, but it also incorporates a healthful range of foods into your life. These include fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, lean proteins, limited saturated fats and limited amounts of sugar. You can get full details at: https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health-topics/dash-eating-plan.

-- Cut back on salt: New research suggests the relationship between salt and blood pressure is more complex than previously understood. Still, hidden salt in processed food means many Americans are getting far too much sodium. Switching to fresh foods and the rest of the DASH diet recommendations can make a difference.

-- Limit alcohol: Although we still don't know exactly how or why, drinking alcohol raises blood pressure. If you're a regular drinker, quitting can lower your top blood pressure number by several points.

-- Cut back on caffeine: As with alcohol, the mechanism behind the brief blood pressure spike that accompanies caffeine intake isn't fully understood. If you're looking to lower your blood pressure, though, we recommend cutting back on or quitting caffeine.

-- Reduce stress: Easier said than done, we know. But regular exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, yoga, a daily nap or just a bit of quiet time to yourself can help relieve tension.

-- Keep track: Make note of your blood pressure readings to track which direction you're trending. The American Heart Association supports self-monitoring, which can be done with a home blood pressure monitor and in partnership with your primary care physician.

DEAR DOCTOR: I'm too old (almost 30) for the HPV vaccination that can reduce my risk of cervical cancer. But I read that an IUD could do the same thing. Should I think about getting one, even though I prefer other forms of contraception?

DEAR READER: What a good question -- and a relevant one. Cervical cancer is the third most-common cancer among women worldwide. The majority of cases and deaths occur in countries with poor access to regular Pap smears; in the United States, where Pap smears are more readily available, the rates of cervical cancer and cervical cancer deaths are dramatically lower. Vaccination against the human papilloma virus (HPV) -- the causative virus that leads to inflammation and eventually cancer of the cervix -- has the potential to reduce those rates even further, but the vaccine is given only to young people with no prior exposure to the virus.

The possibility of IUDs as a risk reducer is an intriguing notion that's been raised before. Intrauterine devices (IUDs) -- used in the United States since the late 1950s -- prevent sperm from joining with the egg by either damaging the sperm or creating a hostile environment for it. A 2011 study analyzed cervical cancer rates among women from 11 countries who had used an IUD and among women who hadn't. Women who had a history of IUD use had half the risk of developing cervical cancer as women with no IUD use, regardless of whether the use was for 10 years or only one year. There was no difference in HPV infection rates between the two groups, so obviously some other factor was involved.

The recent study you mention was a review of 16 studies exploring the link between cervical cancer and IUDs. The studies were from the 1980s and 1990s, and three of them were performed in the United States. Overall, cervical cancer rates were 30 percent lower among women using the device compared to nonusers. Keep in mind that the finding was a correlation and so does not prove that IUDs actually lower the rate of cervical cancer. But the authors surmised that the reason IUDs could potentially reduce the risk of cervical cancer is because insertion of an IUD causes an inflammatory reaction that increases the immune response in the cervix. This could lead to the clearance of the human papilloma virus.

The results of another study, one that followed 676 sexually active women in San Francisco from 2000 to 2014, conflict with this theory. The average age of the women at the beginning of the study was about 18. The women were routinely tested for HPV, and 85 of them used an IUD at some point during the study. No benefit was seen in either the acquisition or the clearance of HPV in women using an IUD. The authors of this study wondered if IUDs decreased the incidence of cervical cancer by somehow clearing precancerous lesions in the cervix.

In conclusion, I'm not certain that getting an IUD for the purpose of decreasing cervical cancer risk is necessary. It seems even less necessary if you have had multiple negative HPV tests and Pap smears. Nonetheless, for women making an initial birth control choice who are weighing the risks and benefits of an IUD, these studies may be an influencing factor.

Eve Glazier, M.D., MBA, is an internist and assistant professor of medicine at UCLA Health. Elizabeth Ko, M.D., is an internist and primary care physician at UCLA Health.

Send your questions to askthedoctors@mednet.ucla.edu, or write: Ask the Doctors, c/o Media Relations, UCLA Health, 924 Westwood Blvd., Suite 350, Los Angeles, CA, 90095. Owing to the volume of mail, personal replies cannot be provided.