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Words often leave you thinking, ‘Say What??’

We’re only days away from again celebrating Christmas, my favorite time of year. I will be sending out cards of good cheer to distant friends and family to mark the day. Do know, my cards will say “Merry Christmas” and not “Happy Holidays,” “Season’s Greetings,” “Merry Yuletide (the period from December 24th through January 6th,” or, more truthfully in keeping with the “politically correct” celebration, “Happy Shopping and Commercial Season!”

According to the new correct “don’t offend anyone’s beliefs, preferences or ignorance” politically correct concept, I happily share the sentiments of a card that listed the now preferred titles for Christmas Carols, or maybe I should say, Seasonal Songs. I’ve added one or two myself, as they seemed apt for today’s addled world where the word Christmas or many other politically frowned upon words are taboo. See how many of the original titles you can still identify without asking Google.

1. I’ll be home for a Short-Period of Time in December

2. Frosty the Snowperson

3. Hark! The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings

4. O Holiday Tree

5. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

6. Oh, Come All Ye Black Friday Shoppers

7. Cash Registers Ringing, People with Spirits Singing Off-key

8. I’ll Have a Dark December 25th Without You

9. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered Foliage, Observing Fire Safety Codes

10. Grandperson Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator

That should satisfy everyone…if such a thing is possible. If not, I’m sure there will be Bah-Humbug comments on Facebook and Twitter.

I also recently came across an article that also demonstrates how words don’t always mean what you think you’re saying. These “Collected Collisions” excerpts came from an old Toronto Sun that described them as actual car accident descriptions written for insurance forms.

1. “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.”

2. “I was on the way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing an accident.”

3. “The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”

4. “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

Hopefully, these little sentiments will give you a chuckle or two and help ease your holiday preparations stress. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, refer back to Collision statement number three.

Do take time out from your hurrying, worrying and scurrying to enjoy the many activities and sights of the season. Be sure to take a drive through our downtown streets to enjoy the lovely lighted decorations display. Winter Wonderland itself is an uplifting and delightful sight.

Remember Charlie Brown’s words of wisdom: “It’s not about what’s under the tree…it’s about who’s around it!”


Janet Douglas

Janet Douglas

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