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Opinion: Country meets Vegan for Thanksgiving

** Editor’s note – On Thanksgiving, like most days, Managing Editor Doug Smith’s thoughts turn to food. Here he offers his lighthearted perspective on a disturbing trend which seems to be infiltrating the rural country life of our region. This is intended for ‘entertainment purposes only’ on this holiday, and not to alienate any non-meat-eating readers.

First and foremost let’s make it clear that I am in no way prejudiced. I have nothing more against vegetarians than I do those folks who practice catch-and-release fishing, the bicyclists who wear those little-bitty tight britches (and have the figure for them), or men who drive pickup trucks that drag the ground and light up underneath. I say to each his (or her) own … as long as they don’t expect me to eat only veggies, release a perfectly legal-caught bass, try to wear a pair of those tight little bloomers, or alter the stance of my old 4-wheel drive.

That said, I had something brought to my attention recently that resurfaced once again during this past Thanksgiving holiday. While it didn’t surprise me that not everyone in the world eats and enjoys turkey (which, for the life of me I cannot comprehend), what I didn’t know is that there is an alternative. The folks at Tofurky® – The Original Stuffed Tofurky Roast – claim to make a feast that vegetarians can turn to in order to have a protein entree of their own to place in the middle of the table.

Holy yard bird, Batman, what will they think of next.

While I’ve yet to have the opportunity to indulge in the delicious roast found in “the complete Tofurky Vegetarian Feast,” as the manufacturer bills it, I had a couple coworkers tell me that while it might be a shy less succulent than a Butterball®, it’s not a bad alternative to a real bird.

As a hardcore carnivore and bit of a simpleton, I find the whole idea of tofu turkey quiet amusing. While the Tofurky® looks like an oiled-soaked loaf of bread (at least on the front of the packing box) I hear tell that other companies also offer them with little tofu drumsticks sticking out on each side, and with a vegetable-based hard-yet-breakable wishbone hidden deep in the imitation body cavity. The people at Tofurky® recommend serving this product with “Tofurky ‘Giblet’ Gravy or a natural vegetarian gravy,” and they offer recipe options right there on the side of the box.

It makes me wonder how a plant-based bird holds up for tofurky leftovers in the days following the holiday feast, or just how tasty tofurky leftover sandwiches can be. And what in the world is the poor dog supposed to gnaw on in the days after Thanksgiving or Christmas … a vegetable-based hard-yet-breakable wishbone.

I was raised not far from here in southern Missouri, where we have long been referred to as hillbillies. But now, in today’s politically correct society, it’s been suggested that the term “hillbilly” is too discriminatory. The proper term these days I believe would be “Ozark-American”.

Anyway, growing up in the country I never knew a real vegetarian until I moved away from home. Now I’m not saying there wasn’t any vegetarians in that part of the country, much less a vegan (the term to describe a ‘hardcore’ vegetarian who also avoids eggs, fish, milk, and an occasional piece of fowl and the such), but just that if somebody was opposed to eating meat they didn’t make it known. We’re talking about an environment where if it was discovered that you opposed hunting or considered yourself an animal rights activist you might be termed a “bunny hugger”.

But times they are a-changin’, as the saying goes. More and more people are escaping the oppression and violence of big city life for the untamed, and less restricted rural backroads of country life. And with them comes their ways … often blending and muddling with time-honored country methods and skills.

Like it or not, it’s not uncommon to stumble onto a catch-and-release angler on an Ozark stream these days, and more and more often I have to swerve my truck to miss one of those little skinny out-of-towners riding his bike along the county road.

Makes you wonder what’s next. I suspect I have an idea … deep-friend Tofurky® can’t be too far off.

Doug Smith, managing editor

Doug Smith, managing editor

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